Once and Forever

[adalger]

[ Note to people who know me: this is not reflective of my current emotional state. This may be why it's not as good as some of my other stuff. ;) ]

I live and love, and, Love, I love forever,
And this I promise, but will you remember?
If all else falters, know that I still love you
As strongly as the day I first admitted
My feelings for you. They are graven in me
To score my heart until the day I perish.

Though your love passed away, mine shall not perish.
Though unrequited, doomed to be forever
An emptiness within my heart, to tear me
To pieces, still I know I shall remember
The place you were within me, were admitted
To all the depths of me, and know I love you.

It's wrong to say I cannot live without you.
I recognize I must, or else I'll perish.
If asked, I never would have once admitted
That I could face the loss of you forever.
The only thing I ask: that you remember
A time you thought you couldn't live without me.

I know you won't reserve your judgement for me.
You barely seem to know I ever loved you,
Or if you know, neglect to much remember.
Regret that you allowed your love to perish
Will always haunt me, follow me forever,
And still I fear what you have not admitted.

Can I be sure my heart has yet admitted
That you no longer have those feelings for me?
I crave them, wanted them to last forever,
Allowed myself to not just want but need you.
For me to persevere, the need must perish.
The hole it leaves, I always will remember.

At first, we had it all. Do you remember?
I don't know how, or haven't yet admitted
Within myself, what made what we had perish.
There isn't any more a reason for me
To try to make my feelings matter to you,
But that's a habit I have had forever.

And if I live forever, I'll remember
That once I loved you, once I had admitted
I let you touch me. That will never perish.

Comments

[xaea]

and now you are showing off!! you have sipped the wine of my envy and are drunk with it! ;P

i don't see what is less-than-stellar about this, unless a piece lacking passion because it's not what you truly feel can be counted as a mark against it.

[adalger]

Gah. To me it reads as clunky from about verse 3, and utterly incoherent by verse 5. I can't even figure out what I'm talking about at the end; it was more about finding a way to plug the right words in the right spots than actually expressing anything.

It seems to me a failure as poetry because it has exactly nothing in the way of imagery or metaphor or connection to wider experience. It's an emo vignette in Seussian rhyme.

But then, the artist is often the harshest critic, no? You're welcome to see more value in it than I do. :)

[xaea]

but i like emo vignettes! LOL i guess that's why i like it so much. :)

my emotions when reading it ARE the imagery and the personal experiences i can relate to it make it metaphor. so. it is definitely not a failure and i definitely see value in it. the words made me feel wistful and somehow, the ending made me feel hopeful, maybe because i answered the question from my own imagination and continued it from there.

ah, but i do so love words!! *giddy*

[xaea]

the question "do you remember" is the question i am referring to. it wasn't as near the end as i thought.